Decision

First let me quote from The Art of Choosing,

the more choice you have, the greater the number of appealing options, no matter how discriminating your tastes...So you'll have to make some sacrifices, and each of these carries a psychological cost. Your enjoyment of the chosen will be diminished by your regret over what you had to give up. In fact, the sum total of the regret over all the "lost" options may end up being greater than your joy over your chosen options, leaving you less satisfied than you would have been if you had had less choice to begin with.

I read the book when I felt I could not deal with all the tough choices anymore, I chose to study the very process of choosing. As it turns out, theory enlightens but does not solve everything. In the end, I had to face the tough problem head-on.

It was tough. Actually no. It was tormenting. Lots of people made it very hard, but I do not mean it in a bad way---I loved those people and really wish I could hang out with them in the next five years. I care about the feelings of lots of people--scoff at as you may, but that is part of my upbringing.

 In the words o Harry Triandis, they are "primarily motivated by the norms of, and duties imposed by, those collectives" and "are willing to give priority to the goals of these collectives over their personal goals," emphasizing above all else "their connectedness to members of these collectives"...it's believed that individuals can be happy only when the needs of the group as a whole are met.

The above quote from The Art of Choosing serves to illustrate the very different mode of thinking that those brought up in the Western world is unfamiliar with. I am not trying to explain my decisions, I just wish to say because of my mindset, it is just tougher.

Chuan, Nick and Jenny, I really wish to join you all for the greater Williams community in Bay area, I am sorry I cannot. Jessy, Kelly and all the other friends I have or I have made in Stanford, how I wish to be able to hang out with you during the next five years. I am really sorry. Fate is relentless---I won't get it all. I hope it will somehow bring us back together sometime in the future.

I wish to say no more about the decision. I wish to explain it no more. However I made the decision is no longer important. The important thing is that I will live with it for the rest of my life. I will not regret. I will do my best.

I am really exhausted. I long for a cup of nicely marked caffe machiatto.