The blind acceptance of sex is a big shock....with truth or dare, I found myself the only one among my friends who is still....a virgin....
This is how I get used to drastically different values, none of which conceivable to me in the past....
I have rejected or reinforced my own values in the process...but more often, it brought me into a state of confusion, doubt, and fear....I do not know where am I...every time, it feels like the world has suddenly dimmed, and I am surrounded by darkness, which is choking me like crazy....True loneliness is my friend....it is not lack of companion, it is lack of value-sharers....this is no unknown territory for me...this has happened so many times...but just like Japan has had earthquakes so many times, but not of this intensity and magnitude...and for me this frequency....
So many times, I doubt if there is any meaning in life...Are we just living in a matrix, destined to struggle, triumph, and despair?
Why did I come to US in the first place? for academic quality? yeah, is it worth it after I go through so many ordeals, unspeakable to others?
This is pessimism....so alien and so foreign to me....I am shocked at who i am......
cynicism, pessimism, fatalism, nihilism, and .... is that me? fml
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